Whappin?
by Courtney E. Malfoy
Summary: Started out as a contest entry...Never made it though : Harry is an Auror undercover as a whore. Severus sees him in Knocternal Alley, sees through his glamour, and questions the boywholived about his choice of profession ONESHOT


Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter, its characters and settings are the copyrighted works of J.K. Rowling, Warner Bros., her publishing companies and affiliates. No profit was made from the writing of this story nor was any malice intended in any way, shape or form to the author or the actors/actresses who so brilliantly have brought them to life.

Whappin?

XXXXX A training room, far, far, away (if I told you, I'd have to kill you) XXXXX

"NO!" Harry roared. "There is NO way you are getting me to wear THAT!"

"Mr. Potter, do you, or do you not, want to become an Auror advisor?" growled a knurled old man that reminded one greatly of Mad-Eyed Moody. Actually, it should, considering it was his twin brother, Atticus Moody.

"I. Refuse." Harry spit with a glare.

"You will not if you wish to graduate this special academy!" Atticus barked.

"JUST because I'm gay does NOT mean I will wear THAT!" Harry screamed.

"You're...? IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR SEXUALITY!"

"No!"

"Fine!" barked Atticus, "see if I care, DON'T get your street credentials!"

"What does posing as a prostitute have ANYTHING to do with street credentials!" Harry snarled.

"SOME people join the Auror ranks to become nothing more than an undercover agent. As an Auror advisor, it is your duty to train them to do so. If you can't train them, then you can't do the job! Got it, Potter?" Atticus spit.

"Fine! Hand it over! When and where?" Harry asked, venom lacing his voice. Atticus smirked with glee at the notion that HE had just locked horns with Harry bloody Potter and won. THAT was a first.

"Knockturn Alley, every night from six to three, nothing fancy, just surveillance; see who's active these days." Atticus handed over the skimpy outfit, ignoring the amount of disrespect that had been in Potter's voice. He WAS his superior after all, but better not push his own luck... Harry snatched the bag from the smirking Atticus and headed for the door. He reached for the handle before he turned around to face the Auror advisor. He looked a little green around the edges, but otherwise white as Draco Malfoy when they told him to talk or they'd bring in a Dementor.

"Atticus?" he asked, his voice shaking slightly.

"Yes Harry?"

"What happens if... some guy... you know...?" he asked.

"You do what you got to do, kid," Atticus said with another smirk.

"B-but... I'm not... I-I," Harry stammered. Atticus blinked in confusion; HIS Harry was a cocky self-confident brat! HIS Harry never second guessed himself. THIS Harry hadn't reared his ugly head since Harry Potter's fifth year at Hogwarts! It was therefore unsurprising that Atticus Moody was caught off guard. After a moment of thought, Atticus' mouth dropped open in realization.

"You're not... are you?" he asked, almost disgusted with himself, he was SURE Harry of all people... I mean, he is the-boy-who-wouldn't-die after all.

"Yeah... Never been with either sex," Harry murmured. Atticus smacked himself mentally trying to remember why he hadn't thought of asking Harry that when he was handing out assignments. And here he could have had him as a "book keeper."

"Well, make sure you're properly prepared before you start is the only thing I can say, Potter. I'm sorry, I didn't realize," he said in a kind tone.

"I was hoping to save it for someone special," Harry whispered before closing the door and returning to his hidden house.

Wonderful. Just wonderful.

XXXXX Knockturn Alley XXXXX

Harry was actually a natural at the whole prostitution thing. As soon as he watched the rest of the girls at work for an hour or so, he'd scampered off to his corner and began repeating the girl's gestures; beckoning men with his fingers sexily, winking dramatically at the woman, using the street lamp to give a little pole dance, dancing to music only he could hear, and sometimes he even stopped a man, or woman, and gave the person a nice teasing buck of the hips.

Harry's outfit consisted of black fish net stockings, a red leather halter-top that had black fringes on the top and bottom, it was also laced over the bosom area, a red leather skirt that laced up the right side that had a red belt with a large circle as a belt-buckle, and also there was a frilly, see-though male-thong. The shoes were red (of course) stilettos with four inch heels. The make up he wore was black eye liner, bright red lip stick, and bright pink blush. He'd grown his hair past his shoulders and cast a glamour charm on himself to change his eyes to pure white, hide his scar, change his skin to an olive color, and make it seem like he had breasts. If it weren't for his bright red male thong strutting its stuff, you'd think "Lola" was a girl.

The job wasn't as hard as he thought it would be. See, he had come up with a brilliant plan for his tiny predicament. When he got a customer, he lured them into his room at the nearby hotel, then he'd get the person all worked up, use a bit of wandless magic to put them to sleep, and when it was time for them to leave he would place images of him and the customer gettin' it on (which were provided by previous fantasies Harry had had at night) and sent them on their merry way. They were real easy to fool, just tell them they passed out, worked like a charm. The job wasn't so hard after he found a way to keep his... err.. innocence...

He didn't get many "customers." Three was the most he'd had in one day, and he'd been working on surveillance for about three weeks. From what he gathered, school had just got out for Hogwarts and the new age Slytherins were going to meet somewhere in Diagon Alley (more than likely somewhere loud). He learned this by being invited (along with six other working girls) to a club in Knockturn Alley, it was all a matter of flirting with the men while listening to the conversation going on, Atticus would have been proud of his acting skills.

XXXXX The club XXXXX

Now the night of the party itself wasn't as easy... You see, the Slytherins that were meeting demanded shows to be out on. They'd pick a "girl" and one of theirs and they'd have them fuck right in the middle of the stage. This wasn't something Harry...errr... Lola had counted on... So, "Lola" pretended to go to the bathroom before anyone could notice "her" and cast an invisibility charm on himself.

He walked around the party for hours, not learning much. They didn't talk much. It seemed this new brood of Slytherins was about as stupid as Crabbe and Goyle; and worst yet, they had no leader. They just grunted and pointed at the stage ever so often when a fucking couple caught their fancy.

This new brood could mean disaster if not dealt with properly. Think about it. Two hundred idiots attacking Diagon Alley, not even able to say a spell properly! It could prove to be hazardous to the citizens if not handled with care.

He was pretty surprised when he noticed a certain snarky potions professor lurking in the shadows. What would he be doing here? Harry decided to investigate.

"Idiots, the lot of them! Meeting in a public place, have they learned nothing from me? Oh well, for the best that they get caught I suppose," Snape was rambling to himself. Harry decided that his former professor was no immediate threat.

A few more hours Harry decided that it was time to leave. I mean, what was the point of watching a bunch of drunken idiots watch people have sex? It's not like he'd learn anything else at this point anyway.

Harry stepped out of the warehouse and closed the door with no gentleness. They wouldn't notice. The alley he stepped into was abandoned, so he took down his invisibility charm, and began walking back towards his hotel room.

XXXXX Alleyway XXXXX

"I do not believe it," a voice from nearby shadows stated, making Harry jump about three feet in the air.

"Who's there?" Harry questioned in his falsetto voice.

"I do not believe it," the voice repeated with a sigh this time. Harry looked around, not sure which way to run. Getting caught out on a street in the middle of the night in his prostitute costume wasn't the best way to go about things. Harry began to tug on his wand that was concealed in his fish net stockings, but it was caught.

'Oh shit' Harry thought and began backing into a wall. Unfortunately for him, that was the very same wall that the voice happened to be coming from. The person grabbed Harry around his waist and turned him around. It was Severus Snape. Snape furrowed his eyebrows together and stared into Harry's pupil-less eyes.

"Potter?" he said curiously. "I thought that was you I'd seen earlier. Mind explaining _why_ the boy-who-lived is currently wearing a rather skimpy outfit, dressed like a girl, and wearing make-up? Or perhaps you'd like to tell me how you, of all people, ended up here? You, who had even more potential than Miss Granger...err.. Mrs. Weasley, to become the Minister of Magic! No, no. Scratch all that. WHY is it that I had to deal with you two extra agonizing years because Harry bloody Potter wanted to be an Auror, and had to take the most advance levels of potions? Hmm?" Severus said, just above a whisper. There was no malice in his voice, just genuine curiosity.

To Harry's uttermost embarrassment, he felt himself harden at the silky voice of his former professor. Of course, it wasn't the first time... Why do you think Harry had always had so much trouble in potions once he realized he was gay? The man had a drop-dead sexy voice, not to mention he was gorgeous. He tried to reply, but all that came out was a strangled squeak.

"What's the matter Potter? Don't know how to deal with a customer?" he asked, this time venom laced his words. Perhaps... Perhaps it was something more than just that...

"C-customer?" Harry squeaked.

"That's right Potter, I want to know what in the seven hells could be so great that the strongest man to ever exist, right next to Merlin himself, became a whore," Severus spit. "Well Potter?"

Harry froze. There was no way he could use the same tactic on this man that he had the rest, no. He was far too smart for that. What to do?

"I'm waiting Potter," Severus said smugly. Harry had no other choice, he couldn't blow his cover now, he'd been working too hard for it. Harry put his schooled mask back on his face and gestured to Severus to follow him.

'Oh. My. Gods! I cannot believe I am going to do this!' Harry thought excitedly. This had been, after all, something he'd fantasized about for years. It helped fuel his desire when a man or two would com up to the two, offering to pay twice what the old greasy guy would to have a good roll in the hay, and Severus would use some curse or another to knock the man into next Thursday. He knew Severus had his eyes trained on him, he could feel it. It excited him.

XXXXX Hotel XXXXX

Harry stopped for a second outside his hotel room to unlock his door. As he reached for his keys, Severus pressed himself into Harry's back. Harry felt his old professor's hardened member against the top of his arse and nearly melted like butter. After he managed to open the door with half-lidded eyes, Harry showed Severus to the bedroom...Well, it wasn't that long of a walk in the first place.

Harry threw Severus to the bed and attached himself onto Severus' neck. Severus didn't move a muscle, he didn't plan on it. Harry reached over Severus' head to a cabinet where he kept a jar of lube... Just incase... As he reached over, he noticed Severus' erection shrivel up almost instantaneously. He looked at the tall man with a questioning gaze.

"I don't do girls, Potter. Get rid of those," he said, and pointed at Harry's breasts. Harry blushed and grabbed his wand, taking off the glamour charms. Severus gasped and bucked his hips into Harry the second he looked into Harry's emerald green eyes. The very emeralds that had plagued his dreams for years. Harry smiled his pearly-white smile and grabbed the jar, setting it next to the two.

Harry began slowly divesting the two of clothing, he gotten really used to this, with the other customers; he knew exactly how to get his customer riled up.

What happened next was something Harry never imagined, even with him being gay, that he would do. It just came to him, again, proving the early statement of being a natural at the prostitution thing.

XXXEDITED see Silver Snitch Whappin! For the full lemonsXXX

"Not bad, Potter," Severus wheezed. He grabbed a worn-down pillow from under Harry's head and positioned it under Harry's hips. He was just about to enter and...

... "POTTER! WHERE ARE YOU, YOU DAMN SLY DOG? WE JUST GOT WORD OF THE MOVEMENT OF THE SLYTHERINS, YOU'RE OFF DUTY! YOU MADE IT! YOU'RE AN AUROR TRAINER NOW!" Atticus Moody yelled from the fireplace in the living room. Seconds later the bedroom door flew open, revealing Atticus Moody, Alastor Moody, Tonks, and various other aurors that contributed to Harry's training. Harry froze, still panting as Severus was positioned above Harry, his previously enflamed erection withering in disgust at the twin brothers.

"Auror?" Severus asked with a glare at his would-be lover. Harry smiled sheepishly. Genuine hurt and embarrassment crossed the Potion Master's face as he pushed himself from the bed and with a wave of his wand he was dressed. He started to storm towards the door, but Atticus stopped him in his tracks.

"S'matter Severus? Not going to join us? I'm sure that'll upset Harry..." Alastor Moody asked with a sly grin. Severus fought down the blush that threatened to escape through hair-pin cracks in his stony expression. Severus 'humphed' and tried to make his way out again. Tonks held him back this time.

"Sorry ol' chap. Can't let you go just yet, see, no one supposed to know Harry's what he is. Sorry mate," she said sadly, and pulled out her wand. With a whispered "Stumpfey and Obliviate" Severus was out cold. Tonks had Kingsly transport him back to his quarters at the castle while smiling at the still-panting Harry, who was still frozen on the bed. He was bright red, and unable to move.

"What's wrong Potter, you're acting like an embarrassed virgin," Atticus commented with a chuckle.

"Well I wouldn't have been if you would have come TWO seconds later!" Harry snapped. Atticus gave him a bewildered look.

"B-b-but," he said.

"Don't tell me you've forgotten who I am," Harry said venomously. He finally regained his wits and untangled his wand from his fishnet stockings, spelling clothes upon himself. He huffed in irritation and made his way to the fireplace, flooing to his hidden house.

XXXXX Hidden house (if I told you, I'd have to kill you) XXXXX

"DAMN IT!" Harry screamed, throwing the nearest object at a wall... Which was unfortunately the picture of his first boyfriend and him cuddling by the lake.

Draco Malfoy had been one of the first to fall in the final battle. It is what gave Harry the strength to finally kill the bastard. At the very last moment, Draco upturned his wand, allowing his old friend Vincent Crabbe to kill him. Instead of his spirit leaving, however, it entered Harry's body, bringing Harry's magic to a new level. He'd never left since.

'Must have been the reason I'm so good at the whore crap' Harry mused with a chuckle. It was a well known fact that Draco Malfoy was a bit of a man-whore. But he'd honestly wanted to change for Harry, so Harry gave him the opportunity to. Harry bent down to recover the lost item, repairing the broken glass around the precious picture. It was the only picture Harry had of him.

'I thought I was over this' Harry thought sadly. Getting over his once worst enemy had been quite a feat. Even for Harry, but he threw himself into his work, and before he knew it, Draco Malfoy was naught but a memory... But now... His training was done.

'It's time to move on Potter. Now clean yourself up and go and see the snarky professor!' Harry scolded himself. He did as he was told.

XXXXX The rooms of Severus Snape XXXXX

"Mr. Potter," the recently oblivated professor said, a bit of surprise evident in his voice, "to what do I own this displeasure?"

"Oh, I have a few loose ends to tie up," Harry said with a smirk. He pushed past the professor and dragged him into the professor's room, using wandless magic to strip them and re-prepare Harry.

"Mr. Potter, what is going on?" Severus asked breathlessly, "I am aware that I have been oblivated, I have all the symptoms; did I miss something?"

"Yeah, but if I told you what, I'd have to kill you," Harry replied just as breathlessly. Severus nodded, right before pushing himself into the boy-who-wouldn't die.

XXXXX The next morning XXXXXX

"Tell me, Mr. Potter, am I—" Severus started, however, he was interrupted.

"Bloody hell, Snape! You shag the socks off of me, and STILL call me 'Potter' Honestly!" Harry grumped.

"My mistake, Harry," Severus said slyly. "As I was saying, Harry, should I expect this type of event, Harry, often? Or is this a one-off, Harry?"

"Mmm, I wish I could say," Harry sighed. He wouldn't know for sure when and where he could see Severus until he was given a vacation notice. Vacations lasted for two days and you only had a three hour notice before they began. Otherwise, he'd be working.

"You're an auror, aren't you?" the still oblivious man asked.

"If I said 'yes' I'd have to kill you, if I said no, then I'd tell you my true profession," Harry answered. A riddle, yes, but a simple one. True, he wasn't exactly allowed to say that he was an auror. Not with the department he worked in.

"That type then? Okay," Severus sighed. He turned to look Harry in the eyes, "Will you at least come and see me from time to time? Or is it a one-off," he persisted.

"I assure you, it was not a one-off," Harry said flatly, ending the conversation.

"But what—" Severus was, yet again, inturuppted.

"No more talk, let's shag," Harry panted, pulling the man on top of him.

"Mmmphh," Severus agreed around Harry's mouth.

XXXXX Four months later XXXXX

"Helloooo?" Harry Potter called into the seemingly empty quarters of Severus Snape. He should be here, it was July after all...

"Harry?" a very bristled Severus Snape asked, rounding the corner.

"What's wrong, Sev?" Harry asked..

"Potion. Gave me the creeps..." Severus said sheepishly. He was working on a potion for Albus that was said the reawaken the dead for nights at a time. It wasn't true, but it still creeped him out. "Why are you here?" he asked suspiciously. He hadn't seen the man for four months.

"I... got some time off..." Harry said, turning away. Severus charmed his clothes free of potion ingredients and poisions, and grabbed his young lover by the elbows, forcing him to look at him.

"How. Long." He asked slowly.

"Seven months," Harry said, blushing. The answer surprised Severus.

"S-seven?" he repeated.

"Mmmhmm," Harry replied.

"Why, seven?"

"Because, I need time to get the baby adjusted with his father!" Harry exclaimed.

"B-b-baby?" Severus asked. Harry nodded excitedly.

THUMP

Severus hit the floor.


End file.
